Deck the Halls with the Stress of Christmas
Christmas is depicted as a time of joy and pleasure: families coming together and having fun, lots of giving and sharing, sparkling lights and decoration, great food, and children brimming with excitement for their new toys; not to mention all the warm and loving spiritual stuff.
But far too often Christmas becomes an incredibly stressful event. In its worst form it can become an absolute nightmare for individuals, or even whole families.
Let’s face it, any event that requires a lot of organisation, and that people pin a great deal of expectations on is likely to be stressful: be it Christmas, Thanks-giving, New Years Eve, or, come to think of it, a wedding. Great expectations can lead to great disappointments.
Complicated menus, undercooked turkeys, burned vegetables, forgotten condiments, or not enough space in the oven or fridge, can all add to the stress.
Putting a bunch of people with shared histories into a small, intense space, can create tension and arguments, or re-ignite old disputes. Add alcohol to the mix and you might have an explosion.
We all know that gift buying can be tedious and stressful, and knowing who to give to, what to buy, and how much to spend can send the mercury over the limit.
Another complication is deciding who celebrates with whom, and where. Almost every grandparent wants to share Christmas Day with their grandchildren, but given that most children have two sets of grandparents, this can get tricky. Add to this the complication of separated parents with new partners, and separated grandparents with their new partners, and the logistics become impossible to deal with and, in some families, can lead to tension and conflict.
Another stressful aspect of Christmas is that it can highlight the absence of loved ones. It can be difficult to focus on joy when, for instance, you are spending your first Christmas without your dearly departed spouse, sibling, parent, or child. That sort of Christmas can bring tears of sadness rather than joy.
And, even if when the tension is minimal, after all the over-eating and present opening, Christmas can become a bit bland and boring.
How Can You Reduce Christmas Stress?
Here are a few simple tips to help you get through the day as unscarred as possible:
Plan and prepare: Do as much as you can well before the day. Write lists for gifts, food shopping and procedures. Pre-prepare as much of the meal as possible, count the plates and cutlery, and make sure you have enough seats and space in the oven and fridge. If you are travelling, work out the timing and allow plenty of time for Christmas traffic.
Keep it small and simple: Try to keep the whole event as small and simple as possible. The fewer guests, the less there is to do, so the more relaxed the hosts. If you live in a hot climate, go for barbequed food with pre-prepared salads and a simple desert.
Ask for Help: If you are inviting more than a handful of people, allocate tasks to the reliable ones: from bringing a dish, to helping to set and clear the table or wash up. Remember you can ask the children to help too, but don’t rely too much on them.
Share: If you have adult children, don’t expect to have all the children and grandchildren at yours on Christmas day every year. And if you have separated from your children’s other parent or parents, work out a way to share Christmases that is fair and good for as many of you as possible, especially the children. Alternating Christmas Day and Christmas Eve each year works for many families, as long as they don’t live too far apart. Avoid changeovers on Christmas afternoons when people might have had a drink or two. And if you find yourself running the children between households every Christmas Day, it’s OK to stop and change the ritual sometimes. Try saying, “Sorry, we are having a small and quiet one at ours this year for a change,” as kindly and diplomatically as possible.
Do a Secret Santa: Instead of buying a cheap gift for everyone and getting a bunch of useless things in return, try doing a Secret Santa for the adults. All you do is set an agreed price range, then randomly allocate one person to buy a decent gift for one other person. You can even get the participants to write a list of suggestions beforehand to make the buying a bit easier. The participants are not told who bought their present for them; the buyers can label the gifts ‘Love from Santa’ and place them in a sack or under the tress. You can even have a person dressed as Santa handing them out.
Plan a fun activity: Playful fun can help to reduce the tension that might have built during the day, as well as the boredom, and it can help families bond. Try doing something that is fun for all ages, such as playing a ball game, or charades, or singing ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ in parts.[ In this case, each participant can draw a line of the song out of a hat, such as ‘3 French Hens’, and sing their part when the time comes. They can double up if there are more (or less) than twelve people involved.]
Decide to Relax: Remember relaxing and having fun is much better for you and your family and guests than getting hot food on the table at a precise time. Tension is contagious, but so is relaxation and happiness. Aim for pretty good rather than perfect; and if you feel a spot of tension creeping up, stop, breathe out, relax your body, smile, and let it go.
Have a great time. 